The last few weeks have been a mash of bullshit, emotions, and attempts at writing. I’m not feeling great, but I think it’s more emotional and mental than physical. I’m 100% certain that the majority of people don’t understand that depression and anxiety can cause a physical reaction. It’s like feeling sick all the time. When I’m having a bad day I feel ill and end up sleeping the day away. I hate it. I end up feeling guilty that I’ve wasted the day.
There are days when I do my best to power through it, and I sometimes succeed. Other days I wake up early in a panic driven anxiety. On those days I feel like nothing I do really matters. I know this is an irrational feeling, but it is a real feeling I’m having nonetheless.
I need to make a life change. Not sure how I can do that since I struggle just to keep my head above water most days. I need a vacation from my life. Unrealistic? Probably, but true. I don’t think it’ll happen any time soon though.