The last few weeks have been a mash of bullshit, emotions, and attempts at writing. I’m not feeling great, but I think it’s more emotional and mental than physical. I’m 100% certain that the majority of people don’t understand that depression and anxiety can cause a physical reaction. It’s like feeling sick all the time. When I’m having a bad day I feel ill and end up sleeping the day away. I hate it. I end up feeling guilty that I’ve wasted the day.
There are days when I do my best to power through it, and I sometimes succeed. Other days I wake up early in a panic driven anxiety. On those days I feel like nothing I do really matters. I know this is an irrational feeling, but it is a real feeling I’m having nonetheless.
I need to make a life change. Not sure how I can do that since I struggle just to keep my head above water most days. I need a vacation from my life. Unrealistic? Probably, but true. I don’t think it’ll happen any time soon though.
I will recap the San Jose Big Wow ComicFest in a day or two. Fighting off a bug. Scratchy throat and just feeling run down. Over and out.
Not feeling well today. But I am here. Headache, nausea, and just feeling rather crummy. I wanted to write a bit more…maybe later.
The High Desert Santa Ana winds were in full effect today with gusts over 50 miles per hour. At this time of the year it seems like this happens about every other day. It makes a person not want to leave house for obvious reasons. Blowing sand can be very uncomfortable. It also makes people with allergies, like myself and my whole family miserable. Constant sneezing, dry, itchy eyes, coughing, and headaches, make life extremely unpleasant. Trying to work while dealing with all that is no fun. Of course we can try to find decent medications. But the good medicines make you sleepy and that’s not helpful when you’re trying to be productive.
I used to get weekly allergy medication injections as a child. I really don’t want to have to start them again. The main reason being that I’m 70 miles from my doctor and I can’t afford $4.25 per gallon for gas and they are predicting over $5 a gallon by Summer (Sheesh!). So, for the next couple of months it’s a matter of just working through the haze of allergies.
I haven’t felt great for few days. Sinus headaches have been plaguing me all week. I slept till 10am this morning. This is very unusual for me. I felt sick so I got up and had breakfast and a cup of coffee, probably should have skipped the coffee but I was trying to wake up.
I also managed to accidentally overdose myself on my medication. I took my pill at 7:45 when I woke up the first time before continuing to sleep. When I woke up at 10:00 I reached for the nasal spray but forgot what I was doing and took another pill. My focus just isn’t great right now. I’m thinking this may be one reason I feel so bad today. As the day continued I felt worse.
I was able to get some reading and writing done. The day turned out not to be a complete waste. After that I caught a 30 minute nap. That was odd, because I’m feeling very tired and rundown. But half an hour was all I could manage. Maybe tomorrow will better.
Ugh. I hate allergies. Everyone in the family is having sinus problems. I’ve spent the day with a sinus headache. It feels like my eyes are going to pop out of my head. Not a fun day. Ever since I’ve returned to the desert my allergies have kicked into high gear every year around this time.