Can’t seem to nail down any job interviews. I also can’t find my art box with all my drawing pencils and tape. Grr, Just want to be creative and not focus on the negatives.
Made small forward momentum on a goal that I set for myself years ago. No details yet, just exhilarating excitement.
“We must learn that when our art reveals a secret of the human soul, those watching it may try to shame us for making it.”
The Complete Artist’s Way: Creativity as a Spiritual Practice
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I originally set this blog up in 2001 to be a place to talk about my life and the adventures I would have. I feel it has devolved into a place where I log my depression and anxiety over the life that could have been.
While mental health is important and I will try to post articles I believe important or interesting, i want more for this site. I will attempt to find that internal voice to tell my story again. I want this place to be a place of life and art that I find or create myself. Not just a place to incessantly whine about what could have been but isn’t. Does that make sense? I hope so.
I’m noticing that my writing changes when typing here versus handwriting it in a journal. I’m much more descriptive in my journal. It feels more connected, like my soul is pouring on to the page.
I’ve been blocked for years as a writer. Feeling like I have nothing worth saying. I resolved in 2019 to write, to move beyond this blocked feeling, to write no matter what. I picked up creative writing books. I read them. I am not sure I totally agree with some the new age thinking in them. But I am writing again, 30+ journal pages and a few scattered blog posts in just 16 days is a win in my book.
I’m still finding my voice. Not sure what to write about most days, but I pour my heart and mind out on the journal pages. Going to force myself to do things to spark the writing bug. I may actually have to go outside again shudder. A friend expressed how they missed writing on LiveJournal. I couldn’t agree more. Blogging is a dead art, people opt for the short form social media of Facebook and Twitter. I want to change that for myself. Honestly, if I didn’t use Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch with friends I would abandon the platforms entirely. I’d rather write here.
Studying more ways to keep a journal. I know there is more I could be doing. Goals, money, personal time, etc. Don’t force it is what I’m finding. Swapping out journals at the beginning of the year. Which I didn’t do this year.
Topics are still difficult for me. Maybe some pages will be lists. Who knows, maybe a music journal, or other topics I haven’t found yet.
Starting 2019 with feeling grateful for the things I have in life. Nothing seems to go right, but I am thankful for family and friends, my dog Georgie, and that I have a place to lay my head at night.
I’m grateful that I get to spend mornings with my grandma having toast and coffee. She’s 95 and is an inspiration for how to live your life and be thankful for everything in it.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without my family. They have stood by me no matter the circumstances. I have a roof over my head and people who love me. I am proud to call them family. We don’t always agree, but we get along and love each other.
I’m thankful for my friend, Pepe. Always working hard towards his goal or pursuing art as his passion. He’s always got a kind word or an encouraging way of looking at things. We’ve been friends for almost 35 years, and I consider him family. We share a passion for writing, creating, and contributing our art to the universe. We share a love of comics, movies, conventions, and Prince.
In all, I have an abundance to be thankful for. I am hopeful for what 2019 will bring too me.