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Category: Thoughts

Frustrated

Frustrated

Can’t seem to nail down any job interviews. I also can’t find my art box with all my drawing pencils and tape. Grr, Just want to be creative and not focus on the negatives.

Yep

Yep

“You’re focussing on the negative…Be mindful of your thoughts.”

Obi-wan Kenobi

Grateful 2019

Grateful 2019

Starting 2019 with feeling grateful for the things I have in life. Nothing seems to go right, but I am thankful for family and friends, my dog Georgie, and that I have a place to lay my head at night.

I’m grateful that I get to spend mornings with my grandma having toast and coffee. She’s 95 and is an inspiration for how to live your life and be thankful for everything in it.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without my family. They have stood by me no matter the circumstances. I have a roof over my head and people who love me. I am proud to call them family. We don’t always agree, but we get along and love each other.

I’m thankful for my friend, Pepe. Always working hard towards his goal or pursuing art as his passion. He’s always got a kind word or an encouraging way of looking at things. We’ve been friends for almost 35 years, and I consider him family.  We share a passion for writing, creating, and contributing our art to the universe. We share a love of comics, movies, conventions, and Prince.

In all, I have an abundance to be thankful for. I am hopeful for what 2019 will bring too me.

It’s Been A Long Strange Trip

It’s Been A Long Strange Trip

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 16 years since I started this site. It had more of a purpose when I first put it together. It was a place that my fiancé and I posted stories of our life. Those posts are mostly hidden right now and you won’t find them here.

I don’t really do much advocating for disabled people anymore. My life has shifted, and I don’t focus on my disability. Not that I don’t have some issues, I just choose not to let it be the focus of my life.

I have to give a shout out to StephtheGeek, she was the inspiration for my starting this site. You are awesome Steph, much love to you. I met many of my online friends through you and I am eternally grateful for all your little site did for me.

Truthfully, I’m struggling trying to make this site more relevant. The days of blogs are over I fear. If you don’t have a relevant topic to talk about there is not much to publish that is worthwhile. But I’m going to ramble anyway, who cares if anyone is listening?

Facebook is the juggernaut of the web these days. Personally, if I didn’t use it to connect with friends, I would ditch Facebook. Possibly, I will just use this place as a dumping ground for my writing. Maybe one day I will have a more interesting life to chronicle here, who knows, it could happen.

 

Nice…not!

Nice…not!

That moment when you admit that no matter how angry you are, you really miss someone.

Trying and Failing

Trying and Failing

Doing my best to keep my life together. I’m still here, so I guess that counts as something. But I’m not happy, and that makes me feel like a failure.

Connections that I thought I had made have fallen apart. I’m not smart enough or rich enough I guess. That hurts so much. I may have failed there. But I love, too much maybe. So I’m alone. It would be better if I didn’t hate myself but I don’t know how to do that, never have felt “good enough”.

I’m also trying to let go of the past. It was so much easier when I felt loved. Now it’s a daily struggle just to get out of bed and stay out in the morning. All I can say is don’t take people for granted, when they’re gone it hurts. So much so that I wish I were dead some days. But love is fickle I guess, and maybe it’s not what I thought it would be? I don’t know.

Trying and Failing

Trying and Failing

Doing my best to keep my life together. I’m still here, so I guess that counts as something. But I’m not happy, and that makes me feel like a failure.

Connections that I thought I had made have fallen apart. I’m not smart enough or rich enough I guess. That hurts so much. I may have failed there. But I love, too much maybe. So I’m alone. It would be better if I didn’t hate myself but I don’t know how to do that, never have felt “good enough”.

I’m also trying to let go of the past. It was so much easier when I felt loved. Now it’s a daily struggle just to get out of bed and stay out in the morning. All I can say is don’t take people for granted, when they’re gone it hurts. So much so that I wish I were dead some days. But love is fickle I guess, and maybe it’s not what I thought it would be? I don’t know.

Suddenly Sad

Suddenly Sad

I’ve had a long day. I’m tired. I also feel sad for no apparent reason. Usually I know what has got me down. But honestly, other a few things that completely out of my control, it’s been a good week. So why do I feel like crying?

Stupid

Stupid

I let my emotions get away from me. Five years of controlled response gone at the first hope of love.

I cannot be the person someone needs if I can’t control my feelings. Hard lesson to learn.