Weird Dreams
I’ve been having weird dreams lately. Strange dreams of me being in school again, and not knowing which class I’m supposed to be in or where the room is located. Being stranded because someone stole one (just one?) of my crutches. Like I said, weird!
Plus I’m getting phone calls in my dream from a friend that has passed away. I wake up wishing I could call this friend. I hear Jimmy’s laugh in my dream and I wake up missing him. It is a tribute to him that the ting I remember and dream about is his laughter.
Grateful 2019
Starting 2019 with feeling grateful for the things I have in life. Nothing seems to go right, but I am thankful for family and friends, my dog Georgie, and that I have a place to lay my head at night.
I’m grateful that I get to spend mornings with my grandma having toast and coffee. She’s 95 and is an inspiration for how to live your life and be thankful for everything in it.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without my family. They have stood by me no matter the circumstances. I have a roof over my head and people who love me. I am proud to call them family. We don’t always agree, but we get along and love each other.
I’m thankful for my friend, Pepe. Always working hard towards his goal or pursuing art as his passion. He’s always got a kind word or an encouraging way of looking at things. We’ve been friends for almost 35 years, and I consider him family. We share a passion for writing, creating, and contributing our art to the universe. We share a love of comics, movies, conventions, and Prince.
In all, I have an abundance to be thankful for. I am hopeful for what 2019 will bring too me.
It’s Been A Long Strange Trip
It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 16 years since I started this site. It had more of a purpose when I first put it together. It was a place that my fiancé and I posted stories of our life. Those posts are mostly hidden right now and you won’t find them here.
I don’t really do much advocating for disabled people anymore. My life has shifted, and I don’t focus on my disability. Not that I don’t have some issues, I just choose not to let it be the focus of my life.
I have to give a shout out to StephtheGeek, she was the inspiration for my starting this site. You are awesome Steph, much love to you. I met many of my online friends through you and I am eternally grateful for all your little site did for me.
Truthfully, I’m struggling trying to make this site more relevant. The days of blogs are over I fear. If you don’t have a relevant topic to talk about there is not much to publish that is worthwhile. But I’m going to ramble anyway, who cares if anyone is listening?
Facebook is the juggernaut of the web these days. Personally, if I didn’t use it to connect with friends, I would ditch Facebook. Possibly, I will just use this place as a dumping ground for my writing. Maybe one day I will have a more interesting life to chronicle here, who knows, it could happen.
Life Update
It’s been a while since I put a real post on these pages concerning my life. Mostly I guess because I felt I didn’t have much to say. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life and lately it’s been a real struggle to stay motivated.
In order to keep moving forward I began some online courses to practice my skills and learn a few new ones in the process. I looked into actual schooling, but the $13,000 price tag has sort of put that on the back burner for now. I recently blew a head gasket on my car and the repairs came top a whopping $2700, which I will be paying off for quite some time.
I spent the weekend revamping my websites, and my next step is to rewrite my resume for the umpteenth time. Not looking forward to this.
I’ve also been bidding on jobs on www.freelancer.com Probably won’t make a lot of money, but every little bit helps. I’m also doing this to keep my skills fresh and to keep busy.
I’m tired, that is the hardest part of dealing with everything. I’m trying to stay positive and move forward. But truthfully it’s taking all I have. If not for family and the one close friend nearby, I don’t think I’d be doing as well as I am. So I’ll trudge forward and keep on going.
Come See Us This Saturday
On Saturday from 11am to 4pm I will be with Pepe Melan at 4 Color Fantasies in Rancho Cucamonga. Come down and see us!
Stupid
I let my emotions get away from me. Five years of controlled response gone at the first hope of love.
I cannot be the person someone needs if I can’t control my feelings. Hard lesson to learn.
Good and bad
It’s been a rough few weeks. Seems like holidays are always rough when dealing with depression and anxiety.
The thing is, I’m doing better than usual. A friend has been helping me through the days. I am thankful for the people who have given me a helping hand. I know that I’d be in a much darker place without them.
Being Thankful
I’m going through a lot of emotions lately. Not all of them happy or fun. As I keep trying to put my life back together, sometimes unsuccessfully. Jobs are hard to find, I live in an area outside of the civilized world. Much of the time I am isolated, alone, and lonely. I do my best to be productive and move forward as best I can given these circumstances.
Some days I get very down. I find it hard to keep going. I listen to the trains outside my window. Resisting the urge to give up. I try to write on a regular basis, some days it’s all I can do to just get myself out of bed and dressed in the morning. Days like today.
I’m in the process of finding a new doctor to help me cope with all the feelings and internal turmoil I’m dealing with everyday. As I search I try to remind myself to be thankful every day. Thankful for family, friends, and all the things that I sometimes take for granted. I know that if it were not for more than a few of you people I wouldn’t be here anymore. I’m not going to call anybody out. If you know me and what my life has been like, then you know who you are. So let me just say “thank you”, because I know I don’t say it enough. I’m have a lack for words for what you all mean to me and not wanting to get all sappy limits me. But thank you to all of you. I pray things will get better. No idea how right now. But I’m still searching for answers. Thanks to you.
Thoughts on Jimbo
My thoughts are with an old friend tonight. He’s passed away a little over a year ago. We were friends for over 30 years.
His smile, laugh, and general great humor were infectious and uplifted my spirit many many times when I needed it most.
He went through some tough times similar to what I’ve been through. I admired him for his ability to smile and keep laughing. I think about him often. Such a terrible loss to this world. I pray someday that I will learn his secret to his good humor. May he rest in peace. You are missed my old friend.