I’ve been blocked for years as a writer. Feeling like I have nothing worth saying. I resolved in 2019 to write, to move beyond this blocked feeling, to write no matter what. I picked up creative writing books. I read them. I am not sure I totally agree with some the new age thinking in them. But I am writing again, 30+ journal pages and a few scattered blog posts in just 16 days is a win in my book.
I’m still finding my voice. Not sure what to write about most days, but I pour my heart and mind out on the journal pages. Going to force myself to do things to spark the writing bug. I may actually have to go outside again shudder. A friend expressed how they missed writing on LiveJournal. I couldn’t agree more. Blogging is a dead art, people opt for the short form social media of Facebook and Twitter. I want to change that for myself. Honestly, if I didn’t use Facebook and Twitter to keep in touch with friends I would abandon the platforms entirely. I’d rather write here.
Studying more ways to keep a journal. I know there is more I could be doing. Goals, money, personal time, etc. Don’t force it is what I’m finding. Swapping out journals at the beginning of the year. Which I didn’t do this year.
Topics are still difficult for me. Maybe some pages will be lists. Who knows, maybe a music journal, or other topics I haven’t found yet.
Starting 2019 with feeling grateful for the things I have in life. Nothing seems to go right, but I am thankful for family and friends, my dog Georgie, and that I have a place to lay my head at night.
I’m grateful that I get to spend mornings with my grandma having toast and coffee. She’s 95 and is an inspiration for how to live your life and be thankful for everything in it.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without my family. They have stood by me no matter the circumstances. I have a roof over my head and people who love me. I am proud to call them family. We don’t always agree, but we get along and love each other.
I’m thankful for my friend, Pepe. Always working hard towards his goal or pursuing art as his passion. He’s always got a kind word or an encouraging way of looking at things. We’ve been friends for almost 35 years, and I consider him family. We share a passion for writing, creating, and contributing our art to the universe. We share a love of comics, movies, conventions, and Prince.
In all, I have an abundance to be thankful for. I am hopeful for what 2019 will bring too me.
I got the new Apple Pencil and I’m using it to hand write my blog posts. Feels a little awkward at first, but I like that I can scratch out new posts as if on paper, which I really like. I love the feel of handwriting my thoughts, the scratch of ink pen on paper. This is almost the same thing. Hopefully this will speed up the writing process.
Today I wrote in my journal twenty-five journaling prompts. None of them really sparked much. But then I ended up writing 4 pages on journaling and how my topics have changed over the years. I’m no longer searching for a relationship, I had one for over ten years. I don’t need anyone to complete me.
So having nothing to write about turned into 4 pages of reflecting on the past and changes in attitude.
Hmmm, what if I actively try to change myself. Try to cut negativity, document my life, my successes, my failures. Going to try to use this site more and more. Try to live life to the fullest, and give up on beating myself up. Let go of the anger I feel towards myself and others. Honestly, it scares me.
A question, if you’re reading this, I’d love to know what you would like to see on this page?
I don’t have much going on in my life, but I want to resurrect this site and try to keep it up. And I’d like it to have more content than just fun stuff and links.
So if there is something you want me to talk about, let me know.
I’m also resuming my development of sites for others. If you need or want a site for yourself I’d be happy to do it. My rates are reasonable and really just looking to build up my portfolio. My focus is mostly WordPress development.
To fill time I’ve been taking courses to bolster my skills and fill in gaps in my knowledge. Truthfully I’m finding that I already know most of the stuff. I just need to put it to use.
If you’re interested interested in learning HTML5 or CSS3 I highly recommend this book on Amazon. HTML and CSS: Design and Build Websites. It’s a fantastic book that covers the topics with great writing and magazine-like layouts. A great refresher on the skills or a primer for learning something new. Full disclosure, if you use the link above I get a small percentage of the purchase.
It’s been a while since I put a real post on these pages concerning my life. Mostly I guess because I felt I didn’t have much to say. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life and lately it’s been a real struggle to stay motivated.
In order to keep moving forward I began some online courses to practice my skills and learn a few new ones in the process. I looked into actual schooling, but the $13,000 price tag has sort of put that on the back burner for now. I recently blew a head gasket on my car and the repairs came top a whopping $2700, which I will be paying off for quite some time.
I spent the weekend revamping my websites, and my next step is to rewrite my resume for the umpteenth time. Not looking forward to this.
I’ve also been bidding on jobs on www.freelancer.com Probably won’t make a lot of money, but every little bit helps. I’m also doing this to keep my skills fresh and to keep busy.
I’m tired, that is the hardest part of dealing with everything. I’m trying to stay positive and move forward. But truthfully it’s taking all I have. If not for family and the one close friend nearby, I don’t think I’d be doing as well as I am. So I’ll trudge forward and keep on going.