Missing my girl Sweetpea!
It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 16 years since I started this site. It had more of a purpose when I first put it together. It was a place that my fiancé and I posted stories of our life. Those posts are mostly hidden right now and you won’t find them here.
I don’t really do much advocating for disabled people anymore. My life has shifted, and I don’t focus on my disability. Not that I don’t have some issues, I just choose not to let it be the focus of my life.
I have to give a shout out to StephtheGeek, she was the inspiration for my starting this site. You are awesome Steph, much love to you. I met many of my online friends through you and I am eternally grateful for all your little site did for me.
Truthfully, I’m struggling trying to make this site more relevant. The days of blogs are over I fear. If you don’t have a relevant topic to talk about there is not much to publish that is worthwhile. But I’m going to ramble anyway, who cares if anyone is listening?
Facebook is the juggernaut of the web these days. Personally, if I didn’t use it to connect with friends, I would ditch Facebook. Possibly, I will just use this place as a dumping ground for my writing. Maybe one day I will have a more interesting life to chronicle here, who knows, it could happen.
In all 2011 was pretty good. I have an awesome family,
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including a niece who is pretty darn awesome (and she knows it)
…and a new cousin.
I went to San Diego Comicon for the first time.
I went to a Prince concert for the first time in ages.
I was a special guest at Comikaze Expo
I met so many interesting, artistic, inspirational, and wonderful people at the conventions I went to throughout 2011.
And I reconnected with many friends and lost a dear old friend.
What does 2012 hold in store? I really have no idea. But I have projects I am working on, hopefully I will make progress on them. I leave you with something from my friend Sunny. A little positivity for the future.
Here’s to an even better 2012!!!
I had a great time seeing friends at Big Wow ComicFest last weekend. San Jose is a beautiful town. I could actually see myself living there. There were not a lot of costumed folks at this show and it was more comic driven than other shows I’ve been at in the past, which is good for comic creators.
I did meet Richard Kiel, which was fun since I’m a huge fan of the James Bond films. Mr. Kiel, whom you may remember as Jaws, the villain turned good guy with the metal teeth, was great. Just really intimidating at first, he’s a giant of a man. What a treat to meet him.
Oh, I did get a photo of female Loki.
Next up, Phoenix!
My tiny space that I live in needs an overhaul. What few possessions I have take up the space. I try my best to keep it all organized. I fail most of the time. I don’t really have a lot of things. But what I do have is precious to me.
The other bad thing about living here? The dirt, it is ever-present. You can clean something very thorough here, and the very next day it is covered in dust and dirt. It gets everywhere and it’s one of the things I truly hate about the desert.
Saw the movie Thor this afternoon. A review of the film and recap of Free Comic Book Day is coming tomorrow. Too tired….need sleep.
More than a physical remnant of an injury scars are a reminder of what was. I was looking at my legs tonight. I have approximately 13 scars from various surgical procedures performed on me in my childhood. I think back to the summers I spent in hospitals. It was never a good time, never fun.
The first thing that comes to mind is the pain. I can’t begin to describe the intense and unending pain of the first weeks after a surgery. Cuts not only of flesh but bones being cut broken and manipulated. I’m almost certain that my mind has blocked out the worst of it all. My mother has told of things that I have done and said during the times of immense stress. Some of it I have no memory at all.
I can remember the anxiety I felt at the time. Going to see the surgeon on a yearly basis. Agonizing about the fact that I was most likely going to have to endure the pain again. At times I wake up in a cold sweat, reliving in dreams the things I went through. Scars on my subconscious, I suppose.
I am thankful for a mother who was always there. I can only imagine the pain she went through watching all of these things take place. I am grateful she was there to be a support and an advocate when I needed it. I can remember her fighting for me when the pain was so great I felt I would go crazy. When the nurses would say I was overreacting as the pain in my knee was growing. She fought and argued until the plaster cast around my knee was removed to reveal a pressure sore which would have taken my leg. I still have that scar till this day.
My summers were spent in bed mostly. On my back in a plaster cast from the waist down. I read books by the dozen and watched a lot of 1960’s and 70’s TV. My memories are of Lord of the Rings, C.S. Lewis, John Carter of Mars, and Tarzan, as well as I Dream of Jeannie, Batman, The Six Million Dollar Man, Star Trek, and Gilligan’s Island. All of these were my summertime friends. To this day I still watch the reruns, they are a comforting memory for me.
I remember, I was probably 2 years old. The plaster was being sawed off my legs with the electric saw at the hospital. I knew that they had cut too deep. I was telling them so, my mother was saying so. They said it wasn’t so, but, they had cut so deep the saw had actually burned my leg from friction.
The car ride home from L.A. to the desert was about and hour and a half. The muscles in my legs atrophied from not having moved in 3 months. The muscles would contract involuntarily at the slightest touch or movement. The pain was almost as intense as it had been right after the surgery. But I do know that it didn’t last as long. I spent the months after this re-learning how to walk and do all the things I took for granted the year before. Am I better off after all of this? Most definitely. I would not be as mobile or coordinated as I am today without all of this.
I don’t think of these things very often. The red, puffy, and insanely itchy incision scars have faded to white. In some cases almost imperceptible. In others a sunken crevice on the maps that are my legs. A permanent reminder of where I have been in life.
I really needed to get the posts from my past blog up on the site. It is a record of my life that I wanted to keep and not let just vanish. What I didn’t need, right now anyway, was to read some of it.
There are some posts I read through today that have put me in a reflective frame of mind. Not many, just a few, but they highlight some of the more unhappy things that happened in the last 12 years. I’d forgotten they were there. They happened so I will leave them. They are a learning experience that should not be forgotten. Hopefully one day they won’t have the emotional impact on me that they had today.
I try not to dwell on or in the past and if I do I try to learn from my mistakes. For me that’s not any easy task. I take friendships and loyalty very serious. Like a lot of people, I have few people I consider to be true close friends. I can count them on the fingers of one hand. In the past three years those friendships and loyalties have been put to the test. Even so it’s hard for me to let go of people who I count among the few close friends or family.
Some friends have called me crazy for not letting go of people and things from my past. I guess maybe I am, it’s hard to not care about people, even the ones that may have hurt or betrayed me. I’m a believer that anything can be salvaged. It may not be the same as it was, then again maybe it will be better.
I am grateful for my friends and family. Even for the ones who may have hurt me.
Well, after much research I was able to import all the entries from my old blog “Syracuse Rantings” into this blog. As of this post there are now 300 post entries dating back to November 1999.
Nobody will read them I guess. But I’m happy that I was able to salvage a bit of my personal history as well as Kara’s entries. It’s a record of the last 12 years, for what it’s worth. Granted it’s not perfect. Probably a bit spotty and some of the links and pictures are either no longer valid or missing (can’t be helped, things change). But it’s a record of my life and I wanted to put it back up on the web. I’m happy I was able to do it. Don’t expect great writing or interesting stuff. Enjoy it for what it is. All the post are in the category “Syracuse Rantings”.