I’m still fighting a mental block, I find it difficult to focus my mind on creativity. I have a friend who wrote something similar on his site the other day. Are the drugs we use as prescribed by doctors dulling our creativity. Hmm, it feels like it to me. I used to dream up stories all the time, no sweat. I’m older now, I don’t want to believe that age might also be a reason.
Most likely I think environment and experiences might be affecting how I think. More than drugs or age. Because I do know that William S. Burroughs wrote most of his best stuff on drugs, and not the prescribed ones. So many artists have “enhanced” their creativity with chemicals.
Let me be clear, I do not advocate illegal drug use, neither do I condemn it. It’s a personal choice to begin with, after that it is a lifetime struggle to manage an addiction (in some cases). I do think it is a factor in some artist’s work. Burroughs, Leary, Hendrix, Morrison, Cobain, and I’m sure tons more that I am missing. I think some of their work is amazing and definitely creative.
Cobain for one tapped into pain and angst in his lyrics and I still find them intriguing to listen too. Most of what he did in his short career will stand the test of time.
I’ve never been a part of the drug culture. Most people don’t believe me when I say I’ve never even smoked marijuana. But it’s true. Pathetic, maybe, but true. My point is, are the drugs that are deemed “safe” by my doctors affecting me in ways I don’t want them too? I’m not sure, can’t seem to find hard data on it. There are a lot of people asking the question though. I’m going to do more in-depth research I think.
Today started off bad and just got worse. As I said before I woke with depression and anxiety already running rampant in my body. I kept thinking “Okay, just relax, things are not that bad.” But then I proceeded to pay my bills. This sent me on a roller coaster journey. I logged in to my Capital One account to pay my car payment. I was ecstatic to see that my balance on my loan as of today $526 and change. I was proud that even though times are tough and I’ve been unemployed for the longest period ever in my life, I have been doing my damnedest to see that my car payments are made and my only mode of transport is taken care of.
So, I go to make an online payment. But as usual the Capital One website is “Unable process my request at this time.” So I call the 800 number and make a $410 payment. Another feeling of “Woo hoo!” until… As I’m finishing the call the guy on the other end says as of today your balance is $800 and change which will be reduced by todays payment. WTF? The Capital One Account website said I only owed $526 and change? I calmly ask the rep why there is a discrepancy between my account on Capital One’s website and the computer that the rep uses that says I owe $800+. The rep start digging but can’t give me and answer. So again I say “All I would like would be an explanation, please.” I didn’t curse or lose my temper. As I kept pushing the point the rep says to me “Sir, this connection on the phone keeps dropping out and I’m going to have to disconnect this call.” And he then HUNG UP ON ME!
So I immediately call back and got a new rep and I explained what happened on the previous call and also that I was NOT HAPPY! So repeat the above. And I’m then told the explanation is that the telephone reps go by “their records” meaning Capital One, and the $409 left on the account is what I now owe. I ask “Isn’t the Capital One website your records as well? Why are the two different?”. She says well I can mail you copies of the records I have here. To which I say “Yes, and I can send you prints of what I see on YOUR website. Is there a person I can talk to in a higher position or an email address to where I can send my inquiry?” The rep says “No!”. The call ends.
So in closing let me say that Capital One Bank SUCKS! I treated them with respect never once losing my temper or raising my voice. The banks which we the public bailed out with $700 billion do not care that they are screwing us. We the little people don’t seem to matter to them in the least.
This is not over! I vow to get this straightened out. Capital One SUCKS!
EDIT: A bit of clarification
Paper bill I get in the mail says one amount
CapitalOne.com amount due is double the amount of the paper bill
Having a bad morning. My depression and anxiety are peaking for unknown reasons. Why am I feeling like this? No idea. Just hoping it subsides so I can be more productive today. I hate sitting around feeling sad, tired, and anxious for no reason I can nail down. Things are not that bad. So why do I feel like everything is going to collapse?
EDIT: Maybe the anxiety is sparked by being broke after paying my bills?
I was watching Star Trek (The Original Series) last night. It was the episode “The Enemy Within”. You know, the episode where there is a transporter accident and Kirk (and a poorly costumed alien dog) are split into two separate versions of themselves. One is weepy, weak, and uncertain of himself. The other is the “Evil Twin”. It truly is Shatner overacting at his finest, see the scene where “Evil Kirk” proclaims “I’M CAPTAIN KIRK! It’s Shatner gold.
As I was watching the show I noticed something that raised a question for me, and let me say I did a quick Google search, I’m not the only person on the web to ask this question. But I’m asking it anyway.
Why the hell does Captain Kirk have concealer make-up in his quarters? Seriously, he uses it to cover scratches on his face after trying to have his way with Yeoman Rand. In order to hide the evidence that will distinguish him from “Wimpy Kirk”, he finds make-up on his dresser and uses it.
I knew he had a toupee and girdle, but make-up? But I jest. This is one of the best episodes of the original series.