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Positivity

Positivity

I try to keep the things I publish here positive. Not always an easy task. I could complain and gripe about people and things that aren’t going well in my life. But honestly, that doesn’t get me anywhere, and I do get some of that stuff out in my pen and ink journal. Some days it’s hard to be positive. So I have chosen to stay silent mostly. But I want to revive this site and force myself to open up and publish more, even if no one reads this stuff.

Tech Gripe

Tech Gripe

I’ve been using my iPad Pro in place of a laptop that I can’t afford. My one gripe about typing on Apple’s Smart Keyboard, there is no escape key. It would be convenient to have one so I wouldn’t have to stop typing and reach up to tap the screen. Just saying.

Trying and Failing

Trying and Failing

Doing my best to keep my life together. I’m still here, so I guess that counts as something. But I’m not happy, and that makes me feel like a failure.

Connections that I thought I had made have fallen apart. I’m not smart enough or rich enough I guess. That hurts so much. I may have failed there. But I love, too much maybe. So I’m alone. It would be better if I didn’t hate myself but I don’t know how to do that, never have felt “good enough”.

I’m also trying to let go of the past. It was so much easier when I felt loved. Now it’s a daily struggle just to get out of bed and stay out in the morning. All I can say is don’t take people for granted, when they’re gone it hurts. So much so that I wish I were dead some days. But love is fickle I guess, and maybe it’s not what I thought it would be? I don’t know.

Trying and Failing

Trying and Failing

Doing my best to keep my life together. I’m still here, so I guess that counts as something. But I’m not happy, and that makes me feel like a failure.

Connections that I thought I had made have fallen apart. I’m not smart enough or rich enough I guess. That hurts so much. I may have failed there. But I love, too much maybe. So I’m alone. It would be better if I didn’t hate myself but I don’t know how to do that, never have felt “good enough”.

I’m also trying to let go of the past. It was so much easier when I felt loved. Now it’s a daily struggle just to get out of bed and stay out in the morning. All I can say is don’t take people for granted, when they’re gone it hurts. So much so that I wish I were dead some days. But love is fickle I guess, and maybe it’s not what I thought it would be? I don’t know.

Merry? Christmas

Merry? Christmas

Another Christmas has come and gone. I’m doing so-so. Missing people I considered family. Nothing to be done I guess.

I am thankful for old friends though, without them I probably wouldn’t be here. May God bless them in the new year.

Ugh…

Ugh…

Sad tonight. Feeling worthless. Just putting this here because its what I feel right now.

Low

Low

My mind and emotions are betraying me tonight. Sinking pretty low.

Brain

Brain

I need one. Had an idea for another post but failed to write it down and it’s gone from my brain. *sigh*

Not sure what to title this post. I haven’t written much of anything worthwhile lately. My heart just hasn’t been in it. I’ve felt lonely and let down. As a result my productivity has sucked. I’m resigned to this just being how it is right now. I’m not sure how to fix things that are out of my control. I guess I can’t do anything about it really. It’s just how it is. I’m alone, lonely, depressed, angry, and unhappy. Living in a limbo or sorts. I don’t see any way to fix things right now. So I will just try to make it day-to-day for now.